Domestic Violence…How to Leave!

The struggle with this particular topic has been very real. Avoidance got me by for so long, but that’s a disservice to anyone who needs to read this. Unfortunately I was in an abusive relationship for close to a year of my life. For many reasons, I will not go into any details. Although, I will tell you how I left. First, there are some things you must know.

Please understand, dear reader, I never thought I would be in an abusive relationship. I would say things like, “I would never let a man talk to me like that! Never would I let a man put his hands on me! I would never…I would never…” Abuse is a slow acting agent. It’s patient…methodical…and calculated. Once you start to see “RED FLAGS” do NOT ignore them. Certain scenarios can be addressed. A simple argument of raised voices can be dialed back by both parties. Letting your partner know that that form of communication is unhealthy for both of you. You can only control yourself and your emotions…you cannot control your partner. If the yelling turns into verbal abuse (name calling, shaming, threats…) you, my dear, are heading down a dark and scary road.

The apologies…the gifts…the two days in a row of being kind to you, is the game! This will draw you back in. Give them the excuses for that behavior and truly believe it won’t happen again. I’m sorry babe…that’s just not true. Those gifts have now become a weapon! They are used against you in the next fight. Hanging over you to make you feel bad because they spent “good money” on you. How dare you be so ungrateful for what they have done for you!! The game continues because you are now on a merry-go-round you just can’t seem to get off of.

The physical abuse…it is inevitable. The moment you are touched…grabbed…assaulted in any kind of way that is not loving or kind…you are in trouble! I promise you, this will not get better…this will get worse. By this point you will probably feel trapped, stuck, you do not see a way out. There will be a way out, you just need to be brave enough to put a stop to this once and for all!

I called a very close friend of mine, who at the time was working for a safehouse. I knew I needed to talk to her. Once she answered her phone, I spent the next few hours telling her everything…every detail. It was in this conversation I realized how isolated I had become from my family and friends, because he NEEDED to be in the forefront of my life. The control was so great, but now I finally saw it for what it was. This was not love…this was toxic! Together, she and I came up with my plan to kick him out of my apartment and out of my life.

I gave him the ultimate choice…he was leaving either by police escort or by his brother, but either way he was leaving. My girlfriend listened on the other end ready to make a call if she had to. At the end of the day…he left. Unfortunately…it didn’t end there. Stockholm syndrome had it’s teeth in me. It took awhile to understand fully that the control would never stop…there was no changing him…and that I deserved better. I took my power back…said my final goodbye and never looked back!

I am FORTUNATE! I did not tie myself to this man by marriage or having children with him. Walking away was scary…but it was cut and dry. So many women have married their abusers or have children with them. Please know there is help out there for you. The National Domestic Violence Hotline for Domestic Violence Support is open 24/7 all year round. 1-800-799-7233 This could be a great resource to finding help. This goes both ways, for men who are being abused by their partners as well! Please reach out to the police if you need immediate help. The law is extremely tricky in every state when it comes to Domestic Violence. The justice system is flawed…but hopefully it will be there to support you.

Please do not make the same mistakes I did. KNOW YOUR WORTH!! Know when it’s time to walk away. Be strong, be brave, be loving to yourself. This is not an easy road to take but the fight for your life and happiness is worth it. I pray you get the help you deserve. The sun will shine on you again! God Bless you all!